welcome to "my world"
Hello there and welcome to a more personal part of my website. This page is here to bring you closer to my work and talk about creatures that showup in my paintings.
Say hello to my anxiety ghost
This little guy is an anxiety ghost, a creature that is not dangerous because of his claws or big teeth but because of his mere presence. I know these creatures very well, they have become a part of me as they sit on my shoulders waiting patiently for me to give them my attention. They mostly don't have hands but I could swear that I saw one holding on to me once; and they don't have mouth, I think, but they have lines on their faces that give them a weird expressions that never changes... and they have eyes or at least that is what they look like, those red spheres that are randomly positioned. They come and wait for me to notice them and for anxiety to creep in. They don't talk or attack, they exist and that's all it takes for me to crumble. As anxiety takes over I lose myself and my own head becomes a ghost and though I have those same red eyes and see, I am blind and stuck in my head unaware of all that is around me, unaware of myself. And when they leave, which I don't even know why because they'll be back, I feel like I just woke up and all this time immersed into anxiety I was just a shadow of myself, walking through my life and wasting my time. Have you seen them, have you noticed their presence? Don't turn around, they are right behind you!
The carriers of the soul
Have you noticed in a few of my paintings some fishes with a golden circle on the temple? I'm not a fan of fishes but those aren't fishes, those creatures are carriers of the soul. Once deeply lost in meditations I noticed fishes around my legs but for some reason they were intriguing to me and were guiding me through the pool I was in. After I realised there were no fishes in the pool I was meditating in and I knew I have met something, someone special. Soul carriers aren't things that carry dead souls, or ones that aren't yet alive... Souls are immortal and they move through all and everything but if they need to appear to humans and at the time don't have a body they take the form of the fish. They won't speak as souls don't speak, they don't show they guide with something that we can only feel and understand as the truth. The truth itself moves and is never the same but always ultimate if you accept that time doesn't exist and that all is now and that memory can't stand for truth. I can not explain them because they are beyond my comprehension, they are a mystery to me that has guided me to the point of seeing my own soul.
Meditation has given me so many ideas and one of them is the gold in my painting. I had the experiance of feeling myself as a part of whole universe and my soul was the colour of gold. After that when I want to indicate the soul I give it the colour of gold. The first painting that I did with gold was the one describing the even when I discovered the color of my soul. I don't know if it's true but I like it and I keep it as a commen knowlague in my world.
Straight versus organic lines
In my first works I have used many straight lines and geometry to fit in all the information I found interesting. The straight lines were like chapters of the book or a mosaic. I wanted to show my experience and I felt that what I am showing were pieces of my memory. These pieces couldn't be a done picture, it is just a collage of all that I have seen and felt, it is my reality but it has nothing to do with the truth. My experience is only mine.
Opposite of that, when I started to paint more my inner experiences and show my more spiritual inner world it didn't seem anymore so “bits and pieces”. I felt it being alive and true. The model couldn't be anymore a cut reality, a part of memory, she was moving and breeding with everything else.
As I advance in my work I see a need for both, depending on the work. The straight lines are the material world that depends on the viewer who makes his own construction and the organic is the soul, the spiritual, the life moving and forever changing. Life like that has no limit, it's forever in the now moment and if you try to define it, it has already changed and the truth has passed you by.